Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
