I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize