I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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