So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
