Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
