Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina is very pro this idea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
