My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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