wakey wakey hands off snakey
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
