hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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