you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
