You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so let's talk penis.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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