I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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