Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
