I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
