They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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