If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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