Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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