I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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