I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
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You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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