Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
