Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
