I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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