Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
