I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
