Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
