I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
