I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
