The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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