There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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