Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Someone came in the potted fern
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
