That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
