That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He kissed a someone with a penis
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
