All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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