uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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