apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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