operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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