dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ketchup is God's man juice
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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