I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
