is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
