It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
