I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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