Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
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i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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