just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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