I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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