If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
