It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
