I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
