He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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