I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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