Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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