note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
