Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I understand Curling. That high.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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