I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
