My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
