So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
