Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
