why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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