Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
