this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my shit smells like andre
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
