I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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