great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
